I am not an expert on relationships. If anything, I think I may be somewhat of an expert on dysfunctional ones. Recently I realized that in March, I will have been single for an entire year. A couple of years ago, the thought of being alone would have terrified me. I would have immediately thought that there was something wrong with me that made me unwanted. This is no longer the case. I have come to learn that being single can be an extremely liberating choice.
The older I get, the more I realize how little I know about myself. I am constantly discovering new things about myself. Whether it is about my emotional well-being or what my likes and dislikes are, there is a lot more I have yet to discover. I have also been trying to be more honest with myself. We lie to ourselves more than anyone else. We try to fool ourselves into thinking we are someone different than we actually are.
What worries me the most about being in a relationship is giving someone else the ability to influence my growth. A lot of times we do not realize how much we are adapting to fit with what someone else wants. We all do it. When we meet someone who we find ourselves interested in, we try and showcase what we believe to be our more desirable characteristics. We can become lost in between who we are and who our partner wants us to be.
I know that there is much more that I need to learn about myself before adding in someone else's influence. I know that I need to be more solidified in who I am and what I want for my life before entering a serious relationship. I want to be true to myself within all of my relationships. So until I feel more confident in knowing who I am, I will continue to discover myself while remaining on my own.