Healing the Relationship
During the darkest of times, it is important to remember that we don’t need to suffer in silence. Sometimes it is difficult to verbally express how we feel and we might not know how to ask our partner for support, this is why coming to see a therapist as a couple can be beneficial. Through guided sessions, couples are able to strengthen their bond and learn the skills required to fully communicate with one another during the most challenging times.
While, during our sessions we will work on developing our skills, it is important that the work continue outside the office - afterall, life happens between the sessions. My goal is to educate both you and your partner on how to better support one another so that you are able to heal fully and grow your relationship after the sessions are complete.
Using methods cultivated by the Gottman Institute Couples Therapy, I am able to fully examine the relationship and determine its strengths and areas that need a little more development. As a Gottman trained therapist, I am able to provide suggestions to strengthen the particular areas of potential growth. For more information on the Gottman Institute and their approaches, please visit: https://www.gottman.com/.
I also use IFS (Internal Family Systems) within relationship work to better understand our systems and our parnters’ systems. IFS allows us to deepen our work and talk about what is really going on within the relationship. It is also a way to take away some of the shame and blame felt within these conversations and move towards more understanding. Learn more about IFS here.
Grief and Loss
The loss of a loved one can be both devastating and isolating, regardless of whether or not you are alone. Oftentimes I’ve heard mourners talk about feeling alone and withdrawn; but what if instead of being on our own island, we ask our partners to join us?
Maybe your partner is your biggest support and you are able to express to them how you feel during the grieving process; why not fully invite them into that process and deepen your relationship along the way? This way, when times do get tougher throughout your grief, you can lean on your partner for added support.
It’s no secret that grief can be strenuous on relationships and that sometimes we are quicker to judge and get frustrated with the ones we love the most. Some relationships even come to an end because the impact of loss creates unintended conflict between partners. Through couple sessions, we can help you work through these times and resolve the conflict in a healthy way, while also learning to cope with the grief.
Throughout the journey, each partner will have the opportunity to express how they are managing with the loss, while being supported by their partner. The foundation of this philosophy is that both parties will have their grief addressed regardless of each individual's grieving style. Through techniques used to both strengthen the relationship and accommodate the loss simultaneously, with the guidance of a trained therapist, you and your partner will learn to heal together.
Remember, grief takes time, exploration, and is not linear. It’s important to have compassion for both yourself and your partner.
Trauma
There may be other factors impacting the relationship. Past romantic relationships can inform our understanding of healthy relationships. They may influence how we continue to love and behave in our current relationships as well. Childhood trauma can also inform our present day relationships. This could include past abuses, bullying, or insecure attachments. If we continue to have internalised messaging about ourselves and romantic partnerships, we may be unable to love and trust as deeply as we would prefer. We all enter relationships with a lifetime of experiences. And not all of these experiences are positive.
EMDR is an intensive form of therapy. It can be challenging but very rewarding. Working as a team to heal old wounds can deepen a relationship. Come together to provide comfort and reassurance during this meaningful work. EMDR targets the past, present, and future through a three pronged approach. Although you cannot change your partner’s past, you could be a part of influencing their present and future.
Gottman methods are used to establish a sense of trust and companionship prior to beginning any trauma reprocessing. This is done to ensure a place of comfort and safety. Partners are invited to be a silent support during the process to better understand each other and to provide emotional and physical comfort as needed.
If you believe couples sessions could benefit you and your partner please contact me and book a session today.