I am coming up to my first year of being legally married. Some days it is hard to believe that we’ve been married this long while other days it feels like we’ve been married for years. I know we are only a year in but I honestly feel like we’ve been through a lot together in the last year. Our marriage started out through a pretty rough depression for me. We planned our wedding for August 18th. Then my world was shaken on March 18th. We were told that day that there were no more treatment options for our dog. It was time to say goodbye and I was not ready. We made the decision to keep him in our lives until his next epileptic episode. Through all of the sadness and despair, what hit me the hardest was that he would not be there for our wedding. I had even gotten him a little tuxedo of his own. We planned a wedding in ten days. It was beautiful, but it was tragic. I was very depressed for the first weeks and months of our marriage. Plus the financial stress that comes along with all those vet bills. We’ve had lots of great times but life has been very stressful as well. My husband is changing jobs and has been putting in long hours between work and training. I’ve got a full-time job, a part-time job, and two university courses. That’s marriage though, isn’t it? It’s not perfect. Life’s not perfect. But here is what I’ve learned through it all.
1) Quality of Time Vs. Quantity of Time
We have very little time together between the busyness of our lives. So we make it count. We shut off the TV. We put down our phones. We connect with each other. Our favourite thing is going for walks or runs where we have zero distractions.
2) Own Up to Your Bullshit
None of us are perfect. I try to be a wonderful and supportive partner but there are times I react poorly because I’m stressed. I pulled the “you should know when I need to talk about something” card with my husband recently. After reflecting, I realized I was just stressed and not communicating well. So I owned up to it and apologized. I love that we can do that.
3) Support Each Other’s Growth
I have to give my husband a lot of credit on this one. I went from let’s drink beer and eat steak to a vegetarian who rarely drinks. In all seriousness, growth is important. And I love that when I tell my husband I am working towards something new or working on myself, he immediately supports me. I always try to do the same for him.
4) Know When to Take a Step Back
I’ve learned recently that “not going to bed angry” doesn’t mean that you resolve every issue before bed. That would lead to a lot of restless nights. Plus, I’m a self-reflection kind of gal that needs time to digest issues to see the whole picture. For us, we say goodnight and I love you every night regardless because you can still be frustrated with someone while honoring your relationship.
That is my view on marriage after one year in. It also helps to be married to your favourite person. <3