Grief Counselling
Grief is a strong, emotional response experienced when you lose someone or something that means a lot to you. It is important to remember that it is a normal part of life, we all experience loss at some point throughout our life, and the path through loss is not linear.
After the death of a loved one, our lives are turned upside down. While we live in a world where avoidance is a widely acceptable response to trauma, it is important to remember that there are resources available to help you navigate as the waters muddy.
Grief counselling can benefit your mental health. I would be honoured to provide guidance and support on your journey. Whether your grief is complex, traumatic, or simply too much to bear on your own, I encourage you to reach out to someone who can assist you along the way.
Signs/Signals of Grief
When we experience a substantial loss in our life, it is normal for both our body and mind to become overloaded by the burden. Here are a few of the common signs and signals of grieving:
Cognitive Signs: lack of attention/concentration, forgetfulness, challenges processing instructions, gaps in memory, feeling “foggy”
Emotional Signs: intense sadness, mood swings, frustration, emptiness, hopelessness, guilt, remorse, feeling isolated from others, anxiety
Behavioural Signs: crying, withdrawal from family/friends, disinterest in hobbies/activities, changes in religious behaviours (increase or decrease in faith)
Physical Signs: muscle aches and pains, headaches, fatigue, changes in appetite, changes in sleep, digestive issues
The Different Types of Grief
Grief comes in many different forms and it is important to remember that there is no specific box your grieving will fit in. Below are a few of the more frequently experienced types, however the list is not exhaustive. For more information on the different types of grief please visit: https://whatsyourgrief.com/types-of-grief/.
**Please note that you are not expected to know which type you are experiencing prior to accessing counselling.**
Bereavement: This relates specifically to a death and is most-commonly experienced after the passing of someone close to you.
Traumatic: There are instances where trauma needs to be treated prior to the grief. The trauma could stem from the death itself or even the death notification. People with traumatic bereavement benefit from trauma treatment when they are unable to think of who they lost without traumatic images.
Complicated: The DSM 5 (Diagnostic Statistical Manual) includes a diagnosis of complicated grief. This happens when the individual continues to be negatively impacted by the passing of their loved one for a significant amount of time to the point that it interferes with their day-to-day life. There are specific therapies that can make complicated grief more manageable.
Anticipatory: This is experienced when the death is expected but has not yet occurred. Many people begin noticing some of the signs and signals previously discussed during this time.
Disenfranchised: This happens when the loss is not as socially recognized. Some of the losses that fall under these terms include pregnancy loss, pet loss, and the loss of an estranged individual (ex. Ex-partner).
Methods of Working Through Loss
Each person experiences loss and grief differently, and what is beneficial for one person may not be for another. It is important to remember that the path through loss is not linear, and there are many different paths you can take.
One of the more famous examples of the path through grief is Elisabeth Kubler Ross’s Stages of Grief. The five (5) “stages” outlined by Elisabeth Kubler Ross are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
While some individuals will experience each of these stages, grieving is not a strict path and these stages may not be experienced in the above pattern. David Kessler, who wrote alongside Kubler Ross, has noted that these stages were meant to be themes of what a mourner may experience rather than a roadmap. There are many other theories and methodology within bereavement, as well, including other methods of working through the loss, attachment theory, and reinvesting in life.
At Home Options to Deal with Grief
Prior to meeting with a counsellor there are a few options you can try at home that people find helpful during the grieving process:
Memorials: These can be as unique as the individual. It is more common to see celebrations of life, small gatherings, tree planting, etc. Research shows that bereaved individuals manage better when there has been some form of memorial.
Continuing bonds: Staying connected with the dead is normal and healthy. Some do this through holding onto mementos, revisiting meaningful places, or looking at old photos. Try to remember that death is not always the end of a relationship.
Finding meaning in life again: This is challenging to do and not always accessible when the loss is fresh. However many psychologists believe that having a meaning or purpose in our lives helps build up resiliency. Maybe it means reinvesting in a former interest or finding a passion that allows you to give back.
Allowing space to grieve: It is important to give yourself time to grieve; we need the time to process the loss without expectations.
Allowing breaks from grieving: It’s also okay to take a breather from all that grieving. It’s okay to laugh again. It’s okay to watch trashy TV and shut your brain off. Give yourself permission to refresh.
Regardless of where you currently are in the grieving process, please remember to be kind to yourself. I would be honoured to provide guidance and support on your journey. Whether your grief is complex, traumatic, or simply too much to bear on your own, I encourage you to reach out to someone who can assist you along the way.